Week 1 Predictions (Chandler)

37 hours and 13 minutes until kickoff and its time for a prediction.
(ESPN slant's America's team) The fucking Cowboys are coming into Cleveland. The media will have you believe that the cowboys are on a one way fast track with destiny to the super bowl. How on earth will the Browns ever survive the massive butt whooping that tony Homo and comany are going to provide? Well lets break it down shall we:
the cowboys offense will provide a tough and early test for the Browns supposedly new and improved Defense beginning with their high priced new dline additions. The Cowboys present a tough challenge for the new Dline additions to become accustomed to their new roles in the 3-4 defense. However they will be going the likes of Flo Adams who has more false starts than any other O-lione player in the league, and Leonard Davis who got a ridiculous contract when not even the Arizona Cardinals wnated to keep him. Sorry not impressed with their offensive line and I am predicting 3 sacks by the Browns. Shaun Rogers will eat up at least two blockers just due to his gravity pull alone.

Wimbley will be in Homo's face all freaking day helping out our young and inexperienced secondary, which will be tested by the Dallas recievers. Now lets talk about their recievers, T.O. how fucking old is he now, isn't he a memeber of AARP? Brandon McDonald will be covering him most of the game with Safety help in which having Mike Adams start will actually help as he has better cover skills than Brodney Pool. Sean Jones is going to have a Pro Bowl season, heard it here first folks. With Dallas's 3rd, 4th, and 5th reciever out I am not too worried about any other recievers. The biggest issue will be Witten. He is an elite TE in his prime and not sure who will EVER cover him...oh wait Andra Davis! The best ILB int eh league will blanket Witten all freaking day. He will also break Romo's leg, and make out with Jessica Simpson while Romo is crying in the corner. Ok seriously I am sick about talking and hearing about the god damn cowgirls.

On to why the Browns will prevail:
the Browns finished their season strong with a win. they improved their defense, they have Andra Davis, No one...let me repeat myself so you can understand...NO ONE can cover Braylon Edwards. I'm sorry Pacman doesn't scare me unless he's out for a night on the town. He hasn't played in almost two years. I can't wait to see Ware planted on his ass on every play by the unquestioned best LT, no wait BEST OLINE player in the history of the universe, Joe Thomas. the Browns have the best Oline in the league and they will protect Anderson all day to throw to K2 (what LB is going to cover him?), and Braylon Edwards. Jamal Lewis will run all over the cowgirls to a tune of 120 yds and a td.
The Browns are represented by the best fans in the world making it impossible for dallas to even stay in this one.

Browns win Big 31-10.
A modest review by a modest fan.
-Chandler