In-Game Blog Week 1 (Dattilo)

4:15 pm: They just announced Cribbs isn’t playing today. That sucks, I don’t understand why the Browns can never keep their players healthy. Who the hell is their strength coach? Does he teach them how to prevent injuries, or just how to be meat heads?

13:28 1st quarter: Every time Anderson drops back for a pass I cringe and pray he doesn’t throw an interception. He is the only guy who is going to hold back this offense this year.

Next Play: Just as I write the above statement, the idiot fumbles the snap on 3rd and 1. Way to go dipshit.

6:40 1st quarter: Cowboys just scored their first TD. This is going to be a long game, they just marched down the field and drove the ball right up the asses of the Browns D. Looked like a typical Browns defense to me. Allowing first downs when it’s third and long, giving the QB all the time in the world to throw the ball, and allowing the RB to have his way. If the Browns offense doesn’t keep them in the game, then this game is over, and this in game blog is already pointless. Im really glad savage made all those trades for two D linemen so they can put a lot of pressure on the offense (sarcasm if you can’t detect it).

Chandler just texted me and said the browns pass rush will wake up. He is an idiot, enough said.

4:26 1st quarter: Braylon had a wide open pass for a TD, perfect pass by Anderson. I can’t believe Braylon didn’t catch it, but yet I shouldn’t be surprised because Braylon always drops the easy passes. In order for him to catch a ball, Anderson has to place the ball where Braylon is forced to make an acrobatic sports center catch.

3:32 1st quarter: I wish I hated Joe buck so I could make fun of him, but his delivery style is just so damn solid, I don’t know much about Aikman’s announcing ability yet, so I may have thoughts later.

:45 1st quarter: Jamal Lewis looks like a pud right now. That hamstring is still bugging him. He looks like Romeo Crennel running the ball right now.

End of first quarter, browns are on the cowboys 10, let’s see how they screw this up after the commercial break.

Miller lite commercial: Can someone please explain to me how the hell Miller Lite won those trophies at the beer world cup? Did they win the “at least it tastes a little better than a pile of shit” category? If so, then it still doesn’t make sense, because it tastes just like a pile of shit.

1st and goal: Wasted fade from Anderson to Braylon. I would have run the ball here.

2nd and goal: Now they run the ball with Romeo Crennel errrr Jamal Lewis. One yard gain, they are forced to pass for 3rd and goal now.

3rd and goal: Pass interference on the moron, pac man jones! I think he thought Braylon was a stripper.

1st and goal: run for nothing by lewis. The browns now have had 4 tries to get 5 yards to score and they haven’t.

2nd and goal: TD Anderson to Winslow!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Winslow has been the most consistent today so far. It took five plays, but its all good a TD is a TD. Pretty solid drive, it took about nine minutes. Hopefully the drive gave the D plenty of rest so they can redeem themselves with their joke of a performance last series.

Apple commercial: Anyone getting sick of these commercials as well? You have the obnoxious nerd guy representing the “PC”, and the unemployed guy (this actor can’t act worth a shit btw) act representing apple. I think we get the point, Apples are for people who don’t want jobs, and want to have fun with their computer and take cute little pictures and edit it. OMG SO MUCH FUN!!!!!

11:45 2nd quarter: Flag on the cowboys, I shouldn’t say this so early, because I know im going to jinx it, but I am shocked the Browns haven’t been called for at least 80 yards worth of penalties by now.

Nvm I didn’t jinx it, joe buck decided to by explaining the browns were the third most penalized team least year, but haven’t given up a penalty yet, thanks idiot I didn’t know what 0 penalties for 0 yards on the stat box meant.

9:48 2nd quarter: TD Terrel Owens. Once again Romo had all damn day to throw to a wide open TO. Im pretty sure I saw Romo on his cell phone talking to Jessica Simpson while he threw the ball.

Microsoft commercial with Bill Gates and Jerry Seinfeld: Ok, I love Seinfeld’s humor, I loved the show, I understood his jokes in this commercial, but seriously what the hell were they trying to advertise? If bill gates weren’t in the commercial I would have no idea they were trying to advertise for microsoft. If this is Microsoft’s answer to the obnoxious nerd, and the unemployed douche bag from the apple commercials, then they are just throwing money out the window, because that commercial made my eyes bleed.

8:47 2nd quarter: Braylon just dropped another easy pass for a first down. That’s 3 already. Start throwing at his damn knees Anderson!

6:25 2nd quarter: Ok remember when I said I was going to jinx the browns about penalties? Well they just received their 4th penalty since I made that comment, please excuse me when I go punch myself in the teeth.

4:45 2nd quarter: paging shaun rogers, paging corey williams, paging kamerion wimbley…. Where the hell are you? Its getting to the point the Browns D is getting lucky if romo doesn’t complete a pass.

2:18 2nd quarter: Browns get their first sack! But guess what even when they get their first sack, they still get a flag. Waste of effort, and I am willing to bet the cowboys are going to score on this drive.

Do I even need to tell you the cowboys scored this drive?

Half time Cowboys 21 Browns 7: I can tell you right now this game is over. The cowboys get the ball to start the 2nd half, and they will march down the field like they have been doing all game. The boo birds are already coming from Cleveland fans, and the browns deserve it. The offense isn’t going to keep them in the game either, Braylon is dropping every pass, and other than Winslow, no one else is stepping up and playing well enough.

Start of 2nd half: If romo doesn’t complete 100% of his passes this drive, it’s a fluke, or he is loling at the browns and punking them on a few pass plays.

Just as I said that, romo completes a lonnng pass to TO, but he was flagged for pass interference, like I said… fluke incompletion.

3rd and 15 to start the half for the cowboys: Lets see how this works out, the browns always give up long first downs, always waste their effort from the first two downs here it goes…….And the d-line finally puts pressure on romo forcing him to throw out of bounds. Miracles do happen I guess.

6:38 3rd quarter: TD cowboys 28-7. This game is done, thus im done with the blog for the game. I will just comment sparingly if I see something else that pisses me off.


Ok, well now that im done being pissed off, I guess I will give my final thoughts on the browns 28- 7 loss.


-You probably think im negative…. And yes, why the hell not? It’s Cleveland sports! Enough said. I challenge you to find me one reason ever to be positive about any Cleveland franchise. One thing! I bet you won’t think of anything.

-When it was 4th and 2 on the cowboys 14, why did Romeo decide to kick a FG? They were down by 3 tds, and his dumbass wants to kick a FG. Either Romeo was giving up because the defense sucks and wouldn’t stop the cowboys anyway, or he was trying to cover the spread. Both are possibilities.

-I have decided Troy Aikman is an atrocious announcer. He announced the game in glee when the cowboys were moving down the field, and his love affair with their rookie felix was getting very old. I was waiting for Joe Buck to respond to an Aikman comment by saying, “what, oh sorry troy I can’t understand you with when felix’s penis in your mouth the whole time.”

-I expected the browns to lose this game not going to lie. Its not because im negative about Cleveland sports, but the cowboys are projected to go to the superbowl, and the browns are a borderline wildcard team maybe. The cowboys looked damn good, even with an atrocious browns defense. Not only that, but this was the first time the starters for the browns were actually able to play together in a game like atmosphere. Hopefully Crennel hires a motivational coach (since he lacks those skills) and takes some notes on how to get this team motivated next week for pitt. Their next three games are vs pitt, cincy, and bal, all are winnable games, especially the last two. Pitt is a bit of a stretch since the last time the browns beat them was when tim couch was their qb (gulp). If the browns bounce back and finally beat pitt, it will give them a load of confidence, and I can see them going 3-1 into their bye week after the Baltimore game. But right now they just need to take one game at a time. Hopefully they fix their defensive problems, because if they don’t then this is going to be a lonnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnng year. That’s all I have for now, im too pissed to even think about the game any longer. The only good thing out of this Sunday was the fact the bengals sucked too.


-Dattilo

BTW, I hope you don’t base your betting habits off chandler’s pre game predictions, because you will be going bankrupt by week 3 lolz.