It All Makes Sense Now! (Dattilo)

During the game, my friend sent me a text that simply said "wtf are the browns doing?" It is probably safe to say he was one of at least 100,000 people to say the same damn thing, and if you didn't say it, you know damn well you were thinking it. Well fear not, i broke into the Browns locker room and stole some philosophy books authored by some of the coaches and players. Everything will make much more sense once i reveal the rough drafts to these books. So now maybe when you watch a Browns game, you won't think "wtf are they doing??!?!?!?"

The Book of Romeo Crennel:

• Stare blankly toward the field while your team is playing: Seriously, when was the last time you have seen Romeo show emotion on the field? Never? Exactly, i haven't. Can you at least yell at your damn players when they commit stupid penalties such as Shaun Rogers drawing a delay of game before the half, because he is a fat ass and wouldn't get off Jason Campbell. You are letting these players walk all over you Romeo and its ridiculous. You showed more emotion during your times as the Pats D-Coordinator. I don't know what the hell is going on in your head on the Browns sideline. Either A. you are more concerned what the buffet is serving after the game, or B. Bill Belichek brainwashed your ass, and programed you to fail, because none of his ex coaches can ever be better than him.



• Continue to start DA, despite the fact he is a backup QB on most teams: I told you not to let the Monday night game fool you Romeo, and it did. Just get it over with and see what Quinn can do already. He pretty much is your only chance to keep your job after this year. You should have made the damn move at halftime. It could have been the greatest move in your life. Imagine Quinn pulling out the win, getting the team back to .500 and then on their way to the playoffs with Quinn's guidance. You would have looked like a genius.



• Do what ever it takes to waste time on the clock despite being down in the game: This is partly DA's fault as well, but as a coach you need to learn how to manage the damn clock. The last five minutes you nor that offense showed any sense of urgency. As a coach, shouldn't you be telling your players to hurry the hell up?

The Book of Derek Anderson:

• Officially change name to Tim Couch 2.0: For now on i am referring to DA as Tim Couch 2.0 (or TC2.0). That is all he is, they are so eerily similar its not even funny. Tim Couch had a solid, but cardiac arrest and inconsistent year when the browns made the playoffs in the 2002 season. TC2.0 had a similar type of year last season in 2007. In the 2003 season Tim Couch went back to his suck ass ways, except for one game. That game was just right around the first quarter of the season, and it was a Sunday night football game vs the Steelers. He tore the Steelers apart, even running for a TD. Note this was a prime time night game. Everyone thought the Browns were back in contention, and Tim Couch was coming back to form etc, etc. The next game..... he went back to playing like shit. See where i am getting to? Lets go to present time, where TC2.0 tore the giants apart on a prime time night game, and i warned you all not to jump on the bandwagon. Well you know the rest of that story.....

• Have a childish smirk on your face when the camera zooms up on your face after you make bonehead plays: I seriously want to punch you in the nuts when you pull that crap off. Is fucking up really funny to you? You think the Browns fans, and the rest of your teammates think its funny? It may have been "cute" last year, because you all were winning, and it gave us a sense that you weren't rattled, and had things under control. We all see through your bullshit now, so quit doing it. You already are out of touch with Cleveland and its fans, so don't do it anymore. You are not allowed to get away with it. The only guy that can get away with that crap is Lebron James, and even he isn't invincible, as we all know how Cleveland fans reacted to his ass wearing a Yankees hat at the playoff game.

• Overthrow and under throw every wide open receiver, also continue to ignore Kellen Winslow: First of all, no one can cover Winslow, and he is always wide damn open! Throw to someone else other than Braylon, because his ass is on pace to break the single season record for dropped receptions anyway. I'm surprised teams don't just let Braylon wonder off on his own, because chances are he isn't going to catch anything. No wonder why Winslow is getting pissy. Remember last year you were hitting Winslow with passes early in the year, and guess what you all won games. Then toward the end of the year, you stopped throwing to him for some reason, which translated into less wins. Hmmm isn't that what is happening this year??? Second of all how hard is it to put touch on the damn ball and throw to a wide open guy. Your last pass of the game exemplifies your skills, because that's how you overthrow Braylon all the time. The only thing i can say in your defense is that Braylon probably would have dropped that pass if you got it to him. Seriously though, there is no reason to overthrow or under throw your receivers on screen plays. Pathetic, just pathetic.

• Take your time when you are down by 2 scores and there is only 5 minutes on the clock: WOW you seriously wasted about 3 minutes off the clock just to score a 4 yard TD. Please go shoot yourself. Its called a hurry up offense for a reason asshole. Maybe you could have given your team more time to score on that last drive, but you didn't. God i hate you, and please watch this video..... you need to (P.S. Romeo you can take advice from this video as well): http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LnvPbmdvg8w

The Book of the Browns Custodian Management Office:

• Be sure to hire Steelers fans so they can contaminate any Browns facility: If any of you all are idiots, and havent found out the siginificance of the title of our blog, i sure would hope you figured it out by now. Staph infection has been a problem for a good seven years now, so why the hell hasn't anyone fixed the problem yet? I can understand if it happened every 20 years, but it seems like every year one of our star players has to sit out, because they have staph infection. Give me a damn break, that's a horrible excuse not to be able to play. Please blow up every facility if you need to. The only reason players shouldn't play is because they can't walk on the damn field. They are being paid way too much to have staph infection keep them off the field. Ridiculous.

The Browns defense played great. I have never seen the secondary play as well as they did. It was incredible. The D-Line was even playing great until they got tired, because TC2.0 couldn't muster more than 3 plays per series. Screw you TC2.0. Corey Williams getting hurt at DE also didn't help. Regardless, that defense did not deserve to go home with a loss, but they did. Shame on you Romeo, TC2.0, and Braylon. The defense should feather and tar your asses for your pitiful excuse of an offense.

-Dattilo