The Doug Flutie Index (Chandler)

Since our man on the ground draft correspondent ZP3 has gone MIA, what the hell are we paying you for anyways?, I have decided to break shower you with my giant intellect, spit some knowledge and show what to look for when drafting QBs and other players in for the NFL.

Rule #1:
Throw the stats out the window, I dont care, stats are for nerds. Besides any QB that is going to be drafted for the NFL will have had excellent stats in college anyways. Look at the NCAA leaders for TDs and yards: Colt Brennan, Timmy Chang, BJ Symmons (YIKES), and Ty Detmer. YEAH! WOW look at those HOF type players for the NFL. Run away from College stat studs. AKA success in college does not translate into success in the NFL.

Rule #2:
Size matters. Of course I am talking about hand size. Small hands = Alex Smith. Big Hands = Brett Favre. Just like arm length mean everything for the OT position see Robert Gallery (Allagator Arm himself) VS Joe Thomas (A regular stretch armstrong). You need big hands to grip the big football, plain and simple. Small hands means the ball squirts out too easily and have a harder time getting the torque needed to rifle the ball in there. Where did I come up with the delightful attribute you may ask? I once heard that shaking Brett Farve's hand was like shaking two hands at once. Which is still not as big as me, Mine are like shaking three.


Rule #3
Ok folks, I can not stress this rule enough, this is THE MOST important rule of all when drafting for QBs. If the prospect doesnt pass this criteria but has eveything else on the list, RUN AWAY! DO NOT DRAFT BALD QBS! PERIOD! NEVER EVER break this GOLDEN rule. Oh whats that you ask? Why does this matter. Hmm well I'll tell you why it is critical, I mean CRIT-I-CAL! Name one good blad qb, I dare ya. Try. They are too worried about their baldness and too subconscience about their second class citizenship to play qb effectivly in the NFL. Lets run through a few examples here for illustrated example:

Trent FUCKING Dilfer, My nemesis.
Oh yea, he's bald, and TERRIBLE! I had to suffer through watching a bald QB ruin my beloved Browns with an avg of 2.5 turnovers a game BYHIMSELF for an entire season. God he sucked.

Oh still want more huh?
OK Case in point:
Jeff Garcia:

Oh yea that D-bag is bald for sure. So what if he had a probowl season one time in his career. He was throwing to TO in his prime and played behind a great defense. He also has a big huge gay voice, another red flag right there. His wife is a cover up and was way hotter before her breast implants. Jeff Garcia also ruined the Browns seasons. Two disasterous seasons, two bald QBs...mmmm....

Still not convinced huh? Ok one more.
JEFF GEORGE! Doesnt matter that he wasnt bald when he was drafted and sported a mullet. This is where GMs doing their research is critical. They have to do some family history and see if male pattern baldness effects their family. Some say it keeps a generation or follows the mother's side yadda yadda dont care. If his 3rd distant step cousin owns a balding beagle, thats too much of a close call for me. Thank god I am so manly and full of hair that I have to cut my hair daily like most people have to shave just to keep it out of my eyes while bringing this public service anouncement to the NFL GMs.

Rule # 4
Say away from players older than 23 by the mid point of the NFL season. When drafting a player you want a stud who was a stud from the get go. Not some player who had to sit back and be redshirted or played in a junior college. Not good enough to start for your college team? Not good enough to hold the clip board on my team. The example here would be Jason White, yea he won the heisman so what, didnt do jack in the NFL. Too Old, pathetic that he tried to play 7 seasons in college. Medical redshirt my ass.

And now for the final rule, probably the second mot important rule, more or a 1a though.

Rule #5
No chin, no wins!. Do not draft chinless freaks like a Jay Cutler. Whos career record is 17-20.
Where is the chin? I dont know its just not there. I think they have to make a special chin strap that sticks to his neck so it looks like it stays there. Theres an ancient proverb that states he who is without a chin is a bitch or something like that. For comparision who would you rather have as your qb?

Dear God, look at that chin...And it won him 3 superbowls.

Ok so here is a fun activity to test how well you listen. According to my fail proof plan based upon these stats: Big hands, almost as big as mine, three yr starter at Boston College (decent, no OSU but a good school), 22 his rookie year, and heres a picture for the clincher:
So good QB?

The Answer:
If you said yes because he also had a strong jaw line you would be an IDIOT! He violates the most important rule of all time! He is infact a baldy and constantly hurt.

Thank God I am here to set the GMs straight on the QB debate.

-The Chandler Team