Staphylococcus Aureus: a disease that will infect your skin and cause meningitis, or in the hands of the Dawg Staphers, the kind of viral sports enlightenment that will simply fuck your head up
A-Rod’s confession to using performance-enhancing drugs two weeks ago spawned many opinions and blogs about what this means for the game of baseball, including two on this page. It seems as if every big name in the last twenty-five years of the game is linked to steroids: Barry Bonds, Mark McGwire, Sammy Sosa, Jose Canseco, Rafael Palmeiro, Ken Caminiti, Miguel Tejada, Roger Clemens. Aren’t there any Hall of Fame candidates left from the Steroids Era?
It seems as if there may be one hold-out remaining, a 39-year old slugger formerly known simply as “Junior” or “the Kid,” whose 611 home runs over 19 seasons places him 5th all-time, behind the likes of Willie Mays (660), Babe Ruth (714), Hank Aaron (755), and the perjurer himself, Barry Bonds (762). He was a 19-year old prodigy who placed 3rd in Rookie of the Year voting behind Gregg Olson and Tom Gordon – excuse me, who? – and was the 1997 MVP. He was also a 13-time All-Star; knocked 2,680 hits; and earned 10 Gold Gloves. The best part about it, as far as I’m concerned, is that he’s done it all clean.
And now George Kenneth Griffey, Jr., has re-signed with the team that launched him to superstar status from 1989-1999, and the home of 398 of his home runs, the Seattle Mariners. It would be the perfect ending to a career that will shine far brighter than any of his counter-parts from the Steroids Era, and I know that I am not the only person in the world hoping and praying that Griffey stayed true to his word and played baseball the right way. Over the years, the only bulk that we saw accumulate on Griffey was in his belly or his ass, and over the years we’ve seen that, in accordance with all natural theories on aging, his numbers declined as he grew older.
The unfortunate part about Griffey’s career is that we’re left with the greatest question of “what if?” What if he could’ve only stayed healthy during his tenure at Cincinnati? In 2000, his first year with the Reds, he knocked in 40 home runs, 118 RBIs, and hit .271. He was also 30 years old. At the end of that season, Griffey sat at 438 career home runs, and he was averaging almost 37 home runs per year. At that pace, by the time he turned 40, he would’ve hit over 800 home runs, and we would be celebrating the best long-ball hitter in the history of the game.
The guy was my idol – Ken Griffey Jr.’s Slugfest on the N-64 is one my all-time favorite video games – and he was an idol for so many other people. The obvious catch is that, sometime or other, your idols are going to let you down. So far, Griffey’s disappointment has been his inability to finish a season without some kind of injury. From 1989-2000, Griffey only had one season cut short by injury: 1995, in which he played 72 games and only hit 17 home runs. From 2001-2008, Griffey missed an average of 50 games per season, and even when he did play, it was clear that he was not the same hitter.
The beauty of Griffey, and what I suspect was the reason he never turned to steroids, is that he had the most natural, fluid swing in the entire game, one perfect for hitting home runs. Kids playing back-yard ball imitated his swing right down to dropping the bat on the ground and taking those first, cocky steps toward first-base on their trip round the bags. The problem was that his swing was made possible by nearly perfect form, probably drilled into his head by his MLB father: George Kenneth Griffey, Sr., a member of the Big Red Machine. The power was generated with the hips and the lower body, not brute arm strength, and Griffey’s arms – and head – never grew to Hulkish proportions over the span of his career. And once the hamstring and groin injuries began nagging Griffey during his years with the Reds, it was only a matter of time before his production dropped off to the levels we witnessed.
Now nothing in this world is ever for sure, and there’s always the possibility that Griffey used some kind of illegal substance to bounce back from one of his many injuries, but I can’t for the life of me look at Griffey’s body today and say that he was dirty. His name never came up in any of Jose Canseco’s books – a feat in and of itself – or in the Mitchell Report. He never tested positive for steroids from 2004 on like A-Rod, and, like I said before, the weight he’s packed on is confined primarily to the love-handle region. It’s sad that other cheaters have passed him on their way up the charts, or, in the case of A-Rod, will be passing him in a few years, tainted numbers and all. That’s not to say that a stint in the American League wouldn’t help Griffey’s career numbers in the long-run as he platoons in left field or plays DH, a luxury not afforded to him during his time in the ‘Nati. If my perfect world, Griffey would smash 50 home runs for the next 4 years and get to the magical 800-plateau, but that just isn’t likely. 30 next year would be fine, and is a much more achievable goal.
All that matters, though, is that Griffey will one day be enshrined in Cooperstown, most likely as a Mariner, and he will have earned every single bit of it. There are a few other players from his generation that seem to have stayed clean – Manny Ramirez, Albert Pujols – but Griffey was prone to the temptation since 1989. He came into the league when steroids were already being passed around, and he hit his zenith when they were popped in clubhouses like M&M’s. Through it all, Griffey denied, and in my mind’s eye he has solidified himself as the greatest player of his generation. A-Rod and Bonds both used to cement their legacies, but now it’s bitten them in their syringe-pricked asses, while Griffey has endured the peaks and valleys and will be rewarded for it in a way that I hope A-Rod and Bonds never will. It’s sad that A-Rod couldn’t follow in the footsteps of his former-Mariner teammate and stay clean. Either way, Griffey’s athletic prowess and acrobatics playing center-field, paving the way for imitators such as Kenny Lofton and Torii Hunter, combined with his pure swing is 100% him, and that’s all we can ever ask for from our athletes. Best of luck this season playing in “The House That Griffey Built,” and don’t you dare start using now.
-Before I begin my spiel I would like to introduce another new contributor to the ‘staph: Paull will be adding NFL draft coverage here and I suggest you check out his first post (below my ramblings) and completely ignore the Steelers talk and the bashing of God’s gift to football, Andra Davis.
So a decent all-star weekend is overshadowed by the award ceremony following the game. After an innovative approach by adding the horse competition which was entertaining (and I hope its here to stay), the best slam dunk contest in years (in which they should have split the award) and a fun if not a blow out game the fans are forced to watch as two undeserving players are awarded the All-Star MVP. Give me a break, as an NBA fan, it was insulting to see these two hoist the trophies when it was painfully obvious who the MVP of the West was: CP3 Chris Paul. I felt like the MVP honors were pre-determined due to the fact that both Kobe and Shaq are both huge stars. Both had great games stat wise, but it was a hollow award. It was given to them for the media frenzy photo-op and overshadowed what was an entertaining weekend.
Unconvinced, or don’t agree? Well lets look at the stats and decide:
Kobe Bryant: 27 points, 4 steals, 4 rebounds, and 4 ast. Shaq: 17 points. 5 boards, and 3 ast.
Both had great games, filling up the stat sheet. But lets continue and compare:
CP3 : 14 points, 7 boards, 14 ast, 3 stl, and he ran the offense in which he was familiar with while shooting 50%.
Kobe and Shaq got to play in a system they were familiar with under Phil Jackson. Chris Paul had no such luxury and still produced. Look at those stats and tell me why Shaq should even be in the discussion. This is total media slant. The media loves to portray rivalries and that’s why they were chosen. Pathetic.
However all was completely lost with this all-satr weekend as the Rook/Soph game was fun, Rose was a blast to watch and look forward to watching him in the future. The slam dunk contest was redunkulous and although I didn’t agree with the voting, its hard to argue with the fans vote. Dwight Howard’s 12 ft dunk was not appreciated enough. These two provided a more compelling rivalry of superman v lex luthor than the last superman movie (it sucked). The drama was there, the fun was there, and the comradely was there. Horse/Geico or whatever was decent too. Although I think in the future it should played inside and made use of a full court. A Larry Johnson, Glen Rice, Shaq, and Ben Wallace game would have been delightful. If only, a man can cream, a man can dream…. -Leave comments on who you would have liked to see in the game of horse, slam dunk contest, and who you thought should have won the all-star mvp.
This leads me into another topic, the whole media waging war on Kobe vs. LBJ. Who is the bigger superstar? Who is the better player? Who is the better franchise player? The answer is obvious: The King; LeBron. He is better at every avenue except 3's. My guess is that a poll of every coach and GM in the league with a fantasy draft and they have first pick who would they take you would get the same 30 answers...LeBron. He has a higher scoring avg, better percentage, more ast, more rebounds, more blocks, and is 6 years younger. Plus he stays out of trouble unlike one Kobe Bryant.
Seriously this whole rivalry thing between these two is ridiculous. The NBA should be marketing LBJ way more if for nothing else, he isn’t a scumbag. I believe the term is: A picture is worth a thousand words. Need I say more?
Since this is my first post on the Dawgstaph, I feel I should introduce myself; I am not a Browns fan. Nope, not at all. I root for the 6x world champion Pittsburgh Steelers and have all my life. I bask in your misery season after season, Browns fans, and heartily enjoy it. However, if there’s one thing I enjoy as much as my Steelers, it’s good ol’ objective offseason NFL coverage. Combine, draft, free agency-- I shower in that shit. So I plan to play the role of a McShay/Kiper with a little twist of John Clayton on this blog-- and just to prove my objectivity towards the subject, and since a number of Browns fans read this blog, my first post will break down the Browns 1st round pick in the upcoming NFL draft.
Team Needs For a 4-12 team, the Brown-oh’s do have a fair amount of talent on their roster. A QB of the future, an elite LT, dominant NT, and a dangerous weapon at TE are all in place--congrats. But obviously there are some holes for Mangenius to fill or they wouldn’t have gone 4-12. Braylon Edwards forgot how to play football last year. I know this first hand because I drafted him in my fantasy league. He obviously still has the same skills he had in ‘07 when he caught 16 TD’s and hopefully Mangini can help those skills reappear. Regardless, WR is still a position of need. A weapon who isn’t Dante Stallworth (who runs routes like a blind drunkard) on the other side would help Brady tremendously. As would a potent running game, however I don’t approve of drafting any of this year’s backs with the #5 pick. Sorry Beanie. On defense, the newly revamped DL still gave up 150 rushing yds per game. That’s not good and Robraire Smith should probably be replaced, but Tyson Jackson is the top 3-4 end in this year’s draft and the value doesn’t fit at the #5 spot. In a development that surely will have Chandler singing “How Will I Live Without You”, Andra Davis is an unrestricted FA at one of the ILB spots. He probably has something to do with that woeful run D and should be replaced. Leon Williams is a player I heard a lot about out of the draft a few years back, but I’m assuming if he was really special he would have beat out Andra for the job. The outside backers (Wimbley, McGinest, Hall) combined for 8 sacks. That’s pathetic. The major responsibility of an OLB in the 3-4 is to get to the QB. They don’t-- Wimbley has struggled since a strong rookie year and this is definitely a position in need of an upgrade as well as one that can usually be filled by a younger player, as opposed to say, CB, where young players often struggle. And they have for the Browns. While Eric Wright and Brandon McDonald show promise, the Browns allowed too many big plays and McDonald’s metrics were amongst the laggards of the league. However, I feel this position would be better addressed the free agency or a trade in order to add experience to the secondary rather than just more raw talent (Note: Leigh Bodden is available!!). Resigning Sean Jones should be a priority. He’s shown flashes of brilliance and there simply aren’t many candidates to replace him. Overall, I’d list WR, ILB, and OLB as the major positions of need that the Browns should consider addressing in the 1st round.. Taking one of the elite tackles to start on the right side is tempting, but it would be a luxury. 4-12 teams don’t get to make luxury picks.
First Round Candidates Michael Crabtree, WR, Texas Tech - Crabtree is arguably the top prospect overall in this year’s class. His presence would provide the Browns with a big-time target regardless of how Braylon fairs next season. Best case scenario: They have a Fitzgerald-Boldin type duo, Worst Case: At least they still have one dominant receiver. However, he likely won’t be around after Seattle picks at #4. Additionally, I think the Browns would be better suited with a speedier, more versatile target like a Jeremy Maclin or Percy Harvin to compliment K2 and Braylon (assuming he does turn it around.)
Jeremy Maclin, WR, Missouri - This kid is dyn-o-mite. He is a playmaker in the mold of a Desean Jackson or Ted Ginn, only more polished as a receiver. As it stands right now, he would be a bit of a reach with the #5 pick (though that could change with an electrifying 40 time at the combine). I think Cleveland could trade back to say #10 and still land him. My only downside to making this pick is the success rate of first round receivers-- historically one of the lowest.
Malcom Jenkins, CB, Ohio State - I previously stated my opinion that the Browns shouldn’t look to the draft (or at least the 1st round) to address their need at corner. That being said, this wouldn’t be a bad pick. Jenkins brings the combination of size, speed, and coverage skills any team would covet at CB. He is by far the best corner in this class (Vontae Davis is the second coming of Mike Rumph ) and is sure to be a top 10 pick. If Cleveland keeps this pick, they have to take a long look at Malcom X-factor (my nickname). It comes down to whether you want your top 3 corners to be relatively inexperienced youngsters. Aaron Maybin/Brian Orakpo/Everette Browns, 3-4 OLB, Penn St/Texas/Florida St - It’s hard to separate these 3. They’re all converted, undersized DE’s in a 4-3 scheme who are relatively untested in coverage. However, they all know how to apply pressure to the QB-- something the Browns desperately need. Maybe the combine will help to put some distance between these 3, but as it currently stands I couldn’t justify taking any of them with the #5 pick simply because at least one should still be around by about pick 15. It may be worth trading back and taking whichever of them hangs around the longest.
Brian Cushing, OLB, USC - Cushing deserves to be listed separate from the previous three OLB’s. This is because he is a much more versatile prospect. He has shown ability to drop back in coverage as well as rush the QB, while still possessing the versatility to step inside if needed. He isn’t the same kind of physically imposing player that the aforementioned three are (Orakpo could have been a Monstar), but James Harrison showed in the Super Bowl just how dangerous a pass rusher who can also cover can be. He doesn’t fit at #5 but could be worth moving back for.
Aaron Curry, ILB, Wake Forrest - I have no knocks on Curry as a player. He is, by most accounts, the safest pick in the draft. I do have a problem drafting an ILB this high. Every year quality inside backers tend to be found in rounds 2-4. Moreover, there is an abundance of elite players at that position in the league-- many of whom could be available. Ray Lewis, Bart Scott, Channing Crowder, and Mike Peterson are all UFA’s this summer.
BJ Raji, DT, Boston College - This isn’t a position of need with Pro Bowler Shaun Rogers on the roster. However, draft experts always tell us two things. 1) Draft the best player available. 2) You can’t have enough talented big men. Raji’s stock has been white hot after a dominant showing at the Senior Bowl. He could be dangled as trade bate or learn the position from Rogers and play in a rotational role for a season or two. This is a thin class at DT, particularly with guys who could play NT in a 3-4. I wouldn’t be opposed to snatching him up and having a great insurance policy on Rogers.
The Pick Teams will be looking to trade in to the top 10 for both Sanchez and Raji. If I were GM, I’d find a partner and move back in the first round to select Cushing and pick up an extra 2nd rounder. In the second, you could really sure up a weak spot by selecting a pass rusher like Clint Sintim or Larry English and provide offensive help with a either receiver like Hakeem Nicks and Brian Robiskie, or a RB like Shonn Greene.
1997 should have been a memorable year. I was 11 years old, received my first mountain-bike for my birthday, and began 4th grade at Waynesburg Elementary with Mrs. Suddith and Mr. Snyder as my teachers. In the fall, I assumed the quarterback position on my youth football team, and, though we only won two games, it was one hell of a time.
Plus, that was the year that I attended my very first Major League Baseball game, pitting my hometown Cleveland Indians against the Kansas City Royals. Growing up in Northeast Ohio, the Cleveland Indians were my favorite baseball team – though some of my other favorites aren’t quite so geographically-loyal – and I remember the pain I felt whenever the Indians surrendered to the Atlanta Braves in 6 games of the 1995 World Series, the first World Series the Indians reached since 1954. They were looking to break their 47-year championship drought, but the team that brought the city of Cleveland out of the doldrums couldn’t finish it off. 1996 came and went with another AL Central pennant but no trip into October, and 1997 was time for the Indians to redeem themselves. They won the AL Central crown for the third year in a row, knocked off the New York Yankees in the ALDS and then the Baltimore Orioles in the ALCS, and moved on to the World Series to face the wild-card Florida Marlins. Though winning 6 less games than the Marlins on the season, the Indians were favored to win the World Series, and everyone in Ohio was pumped. They would avenge the 1995 loss to the Braves, erase the now 49-year championship drought, and get Cleveland back on track. The Marlins won the first game of the World Series, and after that they would trade wins with the Indians until Game 7 in Pro Player Stadium in Miami, Florida. Jaret Wright – of all people – pitched well, his only blunder a home run to Bobby Bonilla in the 7th inning. Jose Mesa, who led the AL in saves with 46 two years earlier, was brought in to close out the game, but he allowed a single to Moises Alou, a single to Charles Johnson, and then a sacrifice fly to Craig Counsell to knock Alou in and tie the game (which would ignite a feud between himself and shortstop Omar Vizquel that would involve death-threats and planned beanings). In the bottom of the 11th, with the game still tied 2-2, the Indians brought back in Game 3 starter Charles Nagy. With two outs and the bases loaded, Edgar Renteria at the plate, Nagy pitched a slider, which led to Bob Costas uttering a line that haunts me to this day: “A liner . . . off Nagy’s glove, into center-field! The Florida Marlins have won the WORLD SERIES!”
I cried. Like Adam Morrison after losing in the NCAA tournament. Then again, I was only 11 years old, and Adam Morrison, mullet and trash-stache and all, was a little older, supposedly a little more mature, but as he said in a commercial later, “Yeah I cried.” I’m pretty sure every Indians fan in Ohio and elsewhere also felt the same way (Chandler and D’Attilo, you know you shed a few). Little did I know that at the same time my salty drops streamed from my eyes, so, too, did they from a kid in Cincinnati, Ohio, who admits to wearing an Omar Vizquel jersey to school every day and would later become a relief pitcher for the Cleveland Indians himself. That’s right, Jensen Lewis, the 24-year old right-hander from the Nasty-Nati, recently admitted at the Indians’ spring training in Arizona that “I was crying at the end of the game.” The admission came while he and his teammates were watching a documentary on the1997 World Series and was reported on ESPN.com. For all of you who don’t know, Jensen Lewis was brought up from the minors in 2007 and converted 13-13 save opportunities as the Indians closer in August and September 2008. Although the Indians signed Kerry Wood in the off-season as the (potential) long-term answer to the Indians’ hole at closer, left open thanks to the pitiful exploits of one Joe Borowski, Jensen should still figure to play a role as a middle-reliever or set-up man in 2009. We know he can pitch, and now we also know that he’s a cry-baby.
But that’s okay, because when asked if he was going to cry again during the documentary, Jensen simply responded, “No, because now I’m in a position to try and change it.” That’s the spirit! We’ll forgive the fact that your first name is “Jensen” – what parent does that to their kid? – and that even though you lived in Cincinnati, went to high school in Cincinnati, you weren't a Reds fan, and that you probably won’t see the mound much with a bullpen featuring the two Rafaels (Perez and Betancourt), Edward Mujica, and Masahide Kobayashi.
All of that aside, I like this kid’s guts. That kind of attitude shows that Jensen’s invested in the Cleveland Indians beyond his meager $393,000 salary and his obligation to the club; he wants the Indians to win a title, and end the now 60-year championship drought, with the same fervor that the fans do because he was a fan first and a player second.
Some might argue that this might cause Jensen to place extra pressure on himself in-game as he tries to strap the team on his back and become its savior, but I think that wanting the team to win for more than your own stats and increasing your chances for a higher pay-day when you become a free agent is the way the game should be played. It all helps build the elusive quality of championship teams that the New York Yankees have refused to acknowledge in their recent budget-busting off-seasons: chemistry. Jensen is adding his own loyalty to the Indians into the mix, and I can only hope that it becomes contagious in the locker room.
Think of it: players who check their stats at the door in order to pursue the only true stat in the entire game, the win-loss record. Maybe every team should try to sign kids who grew up as a fan, because then you know they’re committed specifically to the success of your team rather than themselves as an individual. The Browns have tried it with Brady Quinn, and once we see a full season with him at the helm this fall, I think Brady will continue to prove this theory correct.
Too bad Lebron James can’t root for his hometown team.
- Beck
I’m sorry, but i am not sorry for posting for a verry lonnng time. I do not know how many people actually read this blog, but a few people gave me an ear full of whining (including cry baby Chandler), because i have not posted in awhile. Well all i have to say is, tough shit, i could give a rat’s ass about you think. As a Browns fan would you post after the browns did not score for 5 straight games? Would you post after they hired Mangini, when they could have hired these better choices: Dan Reeves (who is looking into O-Coordinator roles...wtf?!?!?), Steve Spagnullo, and Jon Gruden? Would you have posted after the fact the Browns hired a GM (after hiring a coach… bad move) from the Ravens organization, even though they already tried this with Savage, and obviously that was a failure? I didn't think so. This new format should revive me, since I do not have to specifically talk about Cleveland sports.
Anyway, when the Phelps story came out and then the Arod story came out, ESPN must have been foaming out the mouth thinking "thank god something has happened during the most boring time in the year for sports... now we can make more of a story out of nothing." Does anyone find it odd that every time football season ends, some dramatic story develops? If you don't believe me, check the date and time when Roger's steroid case started picking up. Still don't believe me? Check the date and time of when Pac-Man Jones' debacle developed. All occurred around this time period. Seems to me ESPN has something to do with these stories, so they can fill up time between the end of football season and the beginning of March Madness.
(EDIT: I swear i wrote this before reading Beck's post. Sorry Beck, my bad, won't happen again)
As for Arod, I do not condone using steroids in anyway, but is it really all of Arod's(or Big Mac, Bonds, Canseco, Caminiti, Tejada, Clemens, Pettite, etc) fault? In my opinion, Selig is just an idiot. How do you not implement a steroid policy, and then expect 100% of your league not to try any performance enhancing drugs. It's like putting a guy in a room with a red button... The guy is obviously going to be tempted to press the damn button. You screwed up a long time ago Selig, in a big way. By not implementing a steroid policy you knew there was a likely chance of your guys giving steroids a try. The problem is, after the strike in 1994, Major League Baseball had a huge black eye. Ratings and general interest dropped dramatically. What was going to bring the interest back? Simple solution... the long ball. When there was a drastic increase in homeruns per year, you knew damn well there were guys taking steroids. When Big Mac and Sosa were in a huge homerun race to break the single season record, you knew damn well they were taking something, i mean Big Mac openly had andro set on top of his locker while being interviewed. This was your chance to finally fix a wrong; instead you turned your cheek, because you knew the long ball was finally generating interest. Tim Kurkijan said it himself, that Big Mac and Sosa's HR chase saved baseball. Once the interest was back in baseball, all of a sudden Mr. Selig, you started to show concern for steroid use. Now when a player is caught roiding, he is excommunicated by the MLB, the media, and the fans. You know what the NFL did when they realized they had a steroid problem, back in the 70s? They immediately implemented a steroid policy. When NFL players get caught roiding, they serve their 4 game suspensions and that’s it. There are no daily media updates shunning the player from life, the player learns his mistake, and then the player moves on in his career. In short, the MLB and Mr. Selig fucked up. Mr. Selig you need to retire, before you ruin America's past time to the point where it can never be repaired. The MLB would be better off having Gary Bettman as the commissioner.
Welcome Beck! If you haven't had a chance to read Beck's debut post (below my post), I suggest you do so.
Please allow me to re-introduce myself: my name is . . . Beck. I’m a punk from L.A. with the je nais se quois to make your eyes bleed from epiphanic insight into every aspect of human existence, but sports is the perfect arena to make cowards mumble. And if you don’t like multi-syllabic words, then follow Bun B’s advice from Jay-Z’s classic “Big Pimpin’” and “go read a book, you illiterate son of a bitch, and step up your vocab.”
Alex Rodriguez. What is there to say? You’re 33 years old, you signed the most lucrative contract in the history of sports playing on the most-storied team in baseball, and you won the MVP award three times. You were 20 years old when you played your first full season, in which you hit .358 and belted 36 home runs. Since then, you’ve become the youngest player to hit 500 home runs, breaking Jamie Foxx’s record that stood for almost 70 years, and you’re easily poised to break Barry Bonds’ all-time home-run record of 762: for your career, you average 42 home runs per year, and sitting at 553, you’d only need to play 5 more seasons, putting you at 38 years old. That’s not young for baseball, but it’s also not a dig-me-out-of-the-ground fossil either. Hell, when Barry Bonds was 38, he hit 45 home runs and took home the MVP.
But that’s precisely the problem, isn’t it? You tried to play your career as antithetically to Bonds and the other steroids-users of the ‘90s as possible; people had pinned their hopes on you as being the “clean” player who, in a few years, would take the most-hallowed record in sports – the Home Run King – away from a known-cheater, but you couldn’t pull the plank out of your own eye. And now you’re being compared to the same swindlers that sat in front of Congress and “refused to talk about the past” or stuck their finger out and absolutely, positively denied ever taking steroids. And though we know the guy is penniless and willing to out anyone he’s ever had contact with, Jose Canseco claims he introduced you to a dealer in his 2008 novel “Vindicated: Big Names, Big Liars, and the Battle to Save Baseball.”
Well, I hope your testicles haven’t shrunk to microscopic proportions yet, because by your own admission, and my count, you’ve been on the juice for the past 8 years. You can try to fool whoever you’d like to swallow that you only used from 2001 to 2003 when you were on the Texas Rangers, but let’s be real here. In 2003, the year you tested positive, the MLB did not even PENALIZE players for their first positive test, and you said you weren’t even contacted about the results until 2004, and even that disclosure was vague. You claim you stopped after that, once you’d been signed by the New York Yankees, which just so happened to be the first year the MLB began punishing players for failing the piss tests, and even then the MLB admits that they had no way of testing for human growth hormone (HGH). How many players simply switched from ‘roids to horse-pills whenever it became suddenly more convenient? And how are we ever supposed to believe a liar?
Your legacy is gone, A-Rod, and you probably don’t have a snowball’s chance in hell at being enshrined in Cooperstown. Mark McGwire received only 21.6% of votes from HOF voters, and that was actually down from the year before, his first year on the ballot. In case you forgot, 75% of the vote is required before they hang your bronze bust on the wall. And by my estimation, you’ve got 364 home runs to explain, leaving you with a meager 189 home runs from 1995-2000 that weren’t undeniable tainted. You might as well quit now, because you won’t repair your image well enough for people to ever forget this kind of transgression. See, the public has a contract with its athletes, and in return for providing us endless entertainment due to your supreme athletic skills, you have to assure us you’ve done it without cheating. You’ve broken the only rule that matters – besides not leaping into the stands to punch us in the face when we throw beer at you, a la Ron Artest – and for that you’ve got to pay the price, sooner or later. My grandma always said that you have to sleep in the bed you made, so have fun. Hope those gold-plated sheets keep you warm when the acceptance you so desperately strove to achieve has been decimated by your own apology. May your balls shrivel and your man-boobs grow.
And Bud Selig, you’re not off the hook. You should go out back and take care of yourself like Old Yeller. You survived the 1994 strike that eventually canceled the World Series, which was the first time it hadn’t been played in 90 years, and you needed a way to draw fans back to baseball. Back to America’s national pastime? That’s terrible! Your league was failing compared to the NBA – skyrocketing after Magic and Larry in the ‘80s and now Michael Jordan – and the NFL, which hosts the most popular event on television every year: the Super Bowl. So what did you do? You turned a blind eye for nearly 15 years and let home run totals shoot through the roof, and thanks to the McGwire-Sosa race in the summer of 1998, you had America back on your side. However, your Faustian deal is coming back for payment, and the Devil won’t let you get away with this one in a second.
A friend of mine proposed that they should create a "steroids-only MLB" for all the users, and people can watch the league in good faith and not wonder if they're being cheated. It'll be a lot like professional wrestling, when Vince McMahon changed it from the WWF to the WWE (World Wrestling ENTERTAINMENT) because people already figured out it was fake. This could be the same way. Think about it.
