It All Makes Sense Now! (Dattilo)

During the game, my friend sent me a text that simply said "wtf are the browns doing?" It is probably safe to say he was one of at least 100,000 people to say the same damn thing, and if you didn't say it, you know damn well you were thinking it. Well fear not, i broke into the Browns locker room and stole some philosophy books authored by some of the coaches and players. Everything will make much more sense once i reveal the rough drafts to these books. So now maybe when you watch a Browns game, you won't think "wtf are they doing??!?!?!?"

The Book of Romeo Crennel:

• Stare blankly toward the field while your team is playing: Seriously, when was the last time you have seen Romeo show emotion on the field? Never? Exactly, i haven't. Can you at least yell at your damn players when they commit stupid penalties such as Shaun Rogers drawing a delay of game before the half, because he is a fat ass and wouldn't get off Jason Campbell. You are letting these players walk all over you Romeo and its ridiculous. You showed more emotion during your times as the Pats D-Coordinator. I don't know what the hell is going on in your head on the Browns sideline. Either A. you are more concerned what the buffet is serving after the game, or B. Bill Belichek brainwashed your ass, and programed you to fail, because none of his ex coaches can ever be better than him.



• Continue to start DA, despite the fact he is a backup QB on most teams: I told you not to let the Monday night game fool you Romeo, and it did. Just get it over with and see what Quinn can do already. He pretty much is your only chance to keep your job after this year. You should have made the damn move at halftime. It could have been the greatest move in your life. Imagine Quinn pulling out the win, getting the team back to .500 and then on their way to the playoffs with Quinn's guidance. You would have looked like a genius.



• Do what ever it takes to waste time on the clock despite being down in the game: This is partly DA's fault as well, but as a coach you need to learn how to manage the damn clock. The last five minutes you nor that offense showed any sense of urgency. As a coach, shouldn't you be telling your players to hurry the hell up?

The Book of Derek Anderson:

• Officially change name to Tim Couch 2.0: For now on i am referring to DA as Tim Couch 2.0 (or TC2.0). That is all he is, they are so eerily similar its not even funny. Tim Couch had a solid, but cardiac arrest and inconsistent year when the browns made the playoffs in the 2002 season. TC2.0 had a similar type of year last season in 2007. In the 2003 season Tim Couch went back to his suck ass ways, except for one game. That game was just right around the first quarter of the season, and it was a Sunday night football game vs the Steelers. He tore the Steelers apart, even running for a TD. Note this was a prime time night game. Everyone thought the Browns were back in contention, and Tim Couch was coming back to form etc, etc. The next game..... he went back to playing like shit. See where i am getting to? Lets go to present time, where TC2.0 tore the giants apart on a prime time night game, and i warned you all not to jump on the bandwagon. Well you know the rest of that story.....

• Have a childish smirk on your face when the camera zooms up on your face after you make bonehead plays: I seriously want to punch you in the nuts when you pull that crap off. Is fucking up really funny to you? You think the Browns fans, and the rest of your teammates think its funny? It may have been "cute" last year, because you all were winning, and it gave us a sense that you weren't rattled, and had things under control. We all see through your bullshit now, so quit doing it. You already are out of touch with Cleveland and its fans, so don't do it anymore. You are not allowed to get away with it. The only guy that can get away with that crap is Lebron James, and even he isn't invincible, as we all know how Cleveland fans reacted to his ass wearing a Yankees hat at the playoff game.

• Overthrow and under throw every wide open receiver, also continue to ignore Kellen Winslow: First of all, no one can cover Winslow, and he is always wide damn open! Throw to someone else other than Braylon, because his ass is on pace to break the single season record for dropped receptions anyway. I'm surprised teams don't just let Braylon wonder off on his own, because chances are he isn't going to catch anything. No wonder why Winslow is getting pissy. Remember last year you were hitting Winslow with passes early in the year, and guess what you all won games. Then toward the end of the year, you stopped throwing to him for some reason, which translated into less wins. Hmmm isn't that what is happening this year??? Second of all how hard is it to put touch on the damn ball and throw to a wide open guy. Your last pass of the game exemplifies your skills, because that's how you overthrow Braylon all the time. The only thing i can say in your defense is that Braylon probably would have dropped that pass if you got it to him. Seriously though, there is no reason to overthrow or under throw your receivers on screen plays. Pathetic, just pathetic.

• Take your time when you are down by 2 scores and there is only 5 minutes on the clock: WOW you seriously wasted about 3 minutes off the clock just to score a 4 yard TD. Please go shoot yourself. Its called a hurry up offense for a reason asshole. Maybe you could have given your team more time to score on that last drive, but you didn't. God i hate you, and please watch this video..... you need to (P.S. Romeo you can take advice from this video as well): http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LnvPbmdvg8w

The Book of the Browns Custodian Management Office:

• Be sure to hire Steelers fans so they can contaminate any Browns facility: If any of you all are idiots, and havent found out the siginificance of the title of our blog, i sure would hope you figured it out by now. Staph infection has been a problem for a good seven years now, so why the hell hasn't anyone fixed the problem yet? I can understand if it happened every 20 years, but it seems like every year one of our star players has to sit out, because they have staph infection. Give me a damn break, that's a horrible excuse not to be able to play. Please blow up every facility if you need to. The only reason players shouldn't play is because they can't walk on the damn field. They are being paid way too much to have staph infection keep them off the field. Ridiculous.

The Browns defense played great. I have never seen the secondary play as well as they did. It was incredible. The D-Line was even playing great until they got tired, because TC2.0 couldn't muster more than 3 plays per series. Screw you TC2.0. Corey Williams getting hurt at DE also didn't help. Regardless, that defense did not deserve to go home with a loss, but they did. Shame on you Romeo, TC2.0, and Braylon. The defense should feather and tar your asses for your pitiful excuse of an offense.

-Dattilo

Pathetic...I think so - Chandler

Post Game Analysis Browns @ Washington Redskins:

So coming off of a terrific win against the defending Superbowl champs, NY Giants, Optimism was high for a turn around of the season. Then the game happened.... I made the trek to Washington DC to watch the game (my first Browns away game). Before I even begin to discuss the game, let me tell you about Washington's stadium...Wow what a P.O.S it is. Paint is chipping everywhere,. the score boards are from 1973, so bad.

The atmosphere though, was pretty awesome. The fans were great, and obviously loved their redskins. I wish the Browns has a song like Hail to the Redskins, as it was pretty cool to see 70+k fans sing the song in unison at the top of their lungs. I was a bit jealous at how much they got to sing it. That being said, Man were there tons of Browns fans there. I have never seen so many opposing team fans at a game other than Steelers fans at a Browns game, we travel well.

On to the game:
Does Cud have to develop two different game plans, depending on which DumbAss shows up? Honestly how can they be expected to get some consistency going which such erratic QB play? Wow, DumbAss lost that game for us, as our defense played good enough to win. Braylon Edwards, you need to be benched. At the rate that our "star playermaker"drops balls and has these mental lapses, its time to bench him for poor play. I had accounted him for 5 dropped passes this game.

Where would our run defense be without Shaun Rogers? I don't even want to imagine it. He is having a pro bowl type year.

Kellen Winslow - continue to cry about how you feelings were hurt that Savage didn't call you while you were in the hospital. Seriously bro, you are acting like a teenage girl.

RAC - seriously man suit up for D-line next time Leonard. or Corey Williams goes out, the back-ups were bad. Also seriously play Quinn. We know what DumbAss is - erratic, inconsistent and inaccurate.

As for Vince- When are you ever going to post without me posting first? You can do it, its not that hard. You don't need my approval, or to piggyback off of my comments every week. He always post right after me so that his post will be on top, and people who don't scroll down will read me ripping him a new one. You and Winslow should hang out. Also, I work 50+ hours a week, you have what...18 hours of class max? Yea gee I wonder who is the busier of the two, you really showcased your martyrdom there bro. So stop crying like about how busy ytou are, I would trade you schedules in a heartbeat.

-Chandler

Where the hell has this been?!?!?!? (Dattilo)

I would like to apologize for my two week absence from this blog. I am not apologizing, because i actually have a life and school is obviously a top priority, i am apologizing for the fact you had to deal with Chandler's gibberish. In actuality though, as i always say, Chandler is an idiot. He is an idiot for 1. he called me out for being lazy, yet his last post was September 28th, before his predictable read about Derek Anderson this past Saturday. And 2. Chandler has the ability to write more for his blog, because ever since he graduated from school his life has consisted of this:

This:
and this:

I don't even want to tell you what the censored picture is supposed to be..... The fact of the matter is i guess chandler has already forgotten what its like to be in college, and that it actually consists of work. Yet again, he was a history major.... so probably not.

As for the game, i will break it down with the cons and pros, starting with the cons.

Cons

• The fact that chandler actually predicted the game correctly. He is now going to think he is the shit, but we all know he followed his chad Johnson strategy by guaranteeing a win every week. Didn't i warn you all in one of my earlier posts that he was going to pull this type of bullshit once the browns win a game? The funny thing is, other than the fact the browns won big, that was the only thing he got correct. Like i have been saying, Jamal Lewis is a beast, and they just needed to start running behind Joe Thomas... They did, and he started to tear it up. Harrison is better than Jamal my ass. Also, Chandler sure hit it on the dot about Braylon lolz. Try 154 yards and a TD you idiot. Speaking of Braylon did you notice he was wearing a Penn State shirt during his interview? I am pretty sure he wore a Toledo shirt during practice all week as well. I think this is his way of saying F U!!!! to Rich Rodriguez for giving away the #1 Michigan jersey to some scrub CB that doesn't even see any playing time. Hilarious.

• Too many damn penalties. I thought you used to coach for the patriots Romeo. Weren't they known for their discipline? Where the hell was that discipline when it seemed like the browns were on the giants 30 yard line for 15 plays straight, because they kept committing false start penalties? Please work on that, before that screws us over in a game where the offense is playing like shit (which until Monday night, was every game).

• Winslow and his enlarged testicles. Yes this is the reason why Winslow was in the hospital. Some of you all might think that is funny, but they still haven't found out whether they just enlarged for the hell of it, or if he has testicular cancer. So lets refrain from calling him a pussy, etc etc, because it could be actually something serious, and for he and his family's sake, i hope it is nothing serious.

• Derek Anderson is still our starter. I'm still not sold on him, just because he had one good game. Remember, Tim Couch used to have one good game every 6 games.
  

Pros

• Our offense is starting to get healthy and finally smarter again. They finally started running the ball behind Joe Thomas, they finally starting working their play actions, and they finally started throwing the ball down field. Where has this been the first 5 weeks is what i want to know? Its good to see baby Stallworth in there, i think with him on the field, it opened up mismatches for Braylon Edwards, and now thank god we don't have to watch Steptoe as our #2 reciever. Hopefully Jurevicious comes back soon, so Steptoe never sees the field. When the hell is Jurevicious supposed to be back anyway? They said 6 weeks, and this was week 6. WTF? Hopefully he is back next week, because i love watching his first down celebrations on third and long.

• Jamal Lewis is back. Sometimes it takes a vet a few weeks to get those legs churning.

• The defense looked great. Monday night was a prime example of what happens when the D-Line puts pressure on the QB...... 3 ints by a super bowl QB. Hopefully this is a sign that the D is starting to "get it," and they start jelling even more. I also like that UFO defense they used earlier in the game, i think they should use it more often.

• Braylon only dropped one pass.....

• I know there are many more pros than this, but i am not going to make this a Cleveland browns love fest after just reaching 2-3, however the most important pro out of this game is the fact they are starting to gain confidence again. Confidence can come a long way. Teams with confidence play better than they should play, even if they suck ass (i.e. the falcons). It seems like the browns are starting to gain confidence and that swagger back. With the team getting healthier they are just going to be even more confident. Playing at Washington on short rest is going to be tough, but if they pull it off and reach .500, we may be experiencing a complete season turn around. Here is to hoping that happens! Go Browns!

Other News

• John Madden is a lazy piece of shit. He is going to break his streak of 462ish broadcasted games, because he does not want to travel across the country for a third consecutive week. Awwww poor baby, life is so tough isn't it? Only having to work one day a week to stand in a booth and talk about a game you love. Wow i feel so bad for you Madden. How about instead of being a pussy and driving your stupid ass bus everywhere you go, grow some balls and actually take a plane to your destination.

• OJ Simpson is going to jail. Is this the ultimate real life make up call? Whatever it is, i am happy to see his ass go to jail. He deserves to be there for life for what he did, and i hope every cell mate makes him pick up the soap.

• Chandler steals Dattilo's material.... Yeah i know this hasn't happened yet, but we all know he will do it again, so i am just going to go ahead and publish that as news.

-Dattilo

Wow Vince is LAZY!!! - Chandler

Since Vince (see picture) couldn't seem to find the time in TWO WEEKS! to write a pre-game analysis, I will.

Monday Night Football!!!!!
Browns V. Giants, whose ready?!?!?!

While I do not think the Giants have had that hard or a test yet, and thus are perhaps a bit overhyped, I do think they are better than the Browns. Their D-Line can stop the run and get pressure, something the Browns can not do consistently. Maybe if RAC were to discover maybe disguising a blitz here and there, moving a player around...say I don't Know...WIMBLEY!!!!! we might be able to get a sack once and a while. Jones, and Shaun Smith being out really hurt although I do like Mike Adams and think he is a great back-up. This probably means the start of Louis Leonard which as yet to be seen if its a good move or not. Considering the Browns are already weak at the D-line position it will take some inspired play to do well against the Giants strong running attack. Hey RAC, how about some movement on defense, maybe an in-game adjustment or two, wait what that? More vanilla base defense and strong veteran presence when when the back up is clearly better? Ok that makes sense. Does knowing that I need Eli and Plaxico to have a bad game so I can win this week in fantasy do anything for you as far as motivation? Worth a shot...

On offense we are lacking our only offensive play marker in Winslow, except for Harrison of course, due to an undisclosed injury....Does not spell success there. Is Lewis being benched? No, oh. Is DumbAss being benched for franchise savior and fan favorite Quinn? Or he isn't either despite PATHETIC play? no, well makes sense..... Oh but we do have the return oh big CRY baby, stretch the field Stallworth!!!

Excuse me if I am not overly joyed by this return. He does nothing to excite me. Although we do get to see Heiden, a man suffering from Steve Heiden disease. For those of you who do not know, since birth he has had this terrible disease in which his eyes are too close together....Yes tragic I know, but he serves as an inspirational story for us all as he has led a productive life and even managed to make it to the pros! You you can achieve too, Heiden is a true heroic story.

Lewis continues to run the ball without power and fury we are accustomed to seeing. He still should be bench for production on the field. But RAC loves vets and is afraid to hurt anyone's feelings... Sounds like a certain Dattilo I know...

Braylon Edwards...WOW, will he decide to play tonight? Who knows, michigan players play whent they want to and outside of Glen Rice and Arron Shea nothing good as ever come from that school.

Prediction Time:
That being said, all this negativity I believe in Cleveland Fans, even if not the coaches or the players. These fans have been tailgating since 4AM, YEs thats right 4 AM this morning and I believe they will really fire this team up and help defeat the Giants for an UPSET Special!!!!! Yes thats right I am taking the Browns in the face of all logic. I believe in Cleveland FANS!!! I think Andra Davis will have a scak, rogers have a sack and Wimbley to have a sack/Forced fumbled recoverd and returned for a td. Look out for Easy-E and Mcdonald to have monser games. DA will hopefully be injured, not seriously but enough to let Quinn in and NEVER LOOK BACK!!! Under Quinn they manage 30 pts and giev the giants only 7. Browns win big on Monday night.

Now for Dattilo's prediction: Browns get killed 44 to nothing on MNF and he stops watching in the second qt to study for his angry italian test. Althoguh I did like his analysis on the Indians, that was spot on.

GO BROWNS!!! -Chandler

This is JUST IN!! DumbAss is TERRIBLE!!! - Chandler

Guess where DumbAss ranks among NFL's starting qb?? If you guessed DEAD LAST you are correct! That's right: 32. Derek Anderson, Browns
YPG: 135.8 PR: 49.9 TD: 3
Comp: 49.6 1st: 27.4 INT: 6
Anderson had a bye week to prepare, but he'll be fighting for his starter's job on Monday night against the Giants.
(LW-32) YES! Even worse than the KC Chiefs qb carousel. So I ask one RAC attack, Why is DumbAss still the starting QB of the Cleveland Browns?? Quinn honestly could not be any worse. You know who else couldn't be a worse head coach than RAC attack??? That's right me, why am I not the coach yet? God this is pathetic.
http://cle.scout.com/a.z?s=149&p=2&c=799186

I thin DumbAss looks a lot like a Ben Worthlessburger, don't you agree, just maybe a bigger, dumber ganglier version of him? Anyone else see it? I hate DumbAss so much when I look at him I don't think I even see whats really there any more, I only see this:
Anyone else experiencing this phenomenon?